19th august

WHAAAAT! I was in ITALY YAY, and before that in my cousin's village. I faked being irish there and some boys started, she's super hot and stuff. I ended up making out with an 18 year old boy, oops. Idk how I did, but I felt bad. Like, this was my first kiss, and the whole time I was kissing him, trying to keep his tongue out of my mouth, the american boy was on my mind. yeah, I think I have a crush on him. But like, it's totally impossible, he's 6000 km from me and he doesn't like me. I asked him. Bcoz his cousin told me he did, but now he doesn't? Idk what I did wrong, but he's been weird, and I feel like I don't even have a friend anymore. He replies in one word and it's usually lol. Like he doesn't wanna continue talking. I don't care, if he's reading this, really don't. I know it's fucking impossible for us to be together, but I thought he was worth the try. It doesn't make any sense, like, the whole time, was he just making fun of me? If he had told me that, I would have said no too, duh, but I think t would be easier to just tell him this, bcoz my mind tells me that I have been played again. I just, don't wanna feel alone, and I'm starting to feel it again. I just want someone to tell me that he loves me and that I'm beutiful, but nobody will.. Idk what's fucking wrong with me, I'm 15, and I've never had a boyfriend. And I don't want just a random boy that thinks I'm hot, I want him (that's cheesy af) Maybe it's all my fucking fault, and I fucked it just as I do with fucking everything I'm interested in. I think today I'm eating ice cream while listening to taylor swift and watching dear john or channing tatum pictures.
-Kisses, Emma.
P.S.: WHY
The song I'm obssesed with today

28th July

SOOOOOOO today I'm sad. The day started pretty good, I woke up 12:39, LIKE WHAT!! And I didn't do anything but lay down and listen to the weeknd (pretty obssesed with him rn) and chill. I feel much adult now, like, my hormones are normal and now I feel like the whole daddy trend is toooootally weird. Like, I can't help but switch on my dirty mind when I hear the word daddy, but I feel disgusted. I like the whole, pinky childish style, but not the things they do, it's too sexist. Have you heard the song hey mama? (sure, you have) That's a sexist af song, and I don't like the lyrics but the rythm is cool sooo.
I went to the phycologist and I'm free of it till september yey! I went to the pool, talked to the American boy buuuut... He didn't reply, idk why adn I'm pretty upset about it. Like, I don't wanna be annoying, so I won't talk to him until he talks, but I got that kind of feeling he won't sooooo I might loose connection with him, which sucks. Like, he's cute and handsome and nice and a lovely human, but I hate him rn. Idk what he's doing, but I really wanna talk to him. Not like, 24/7 pls, but I wanna know that he'll talk again to me. HE'S THE ONLY EXCUSE FOR ME TO GO TO BOSTON OK. Not really, my parents would never let me, but I felt like he's the only boy that has ever had an interest in me. Like, for the most boys I'm just the crazy little piece of shit that would be hot If it wasn't for her face and hair and I felt that he kinda like me. That makes me sad. Maybe he learnt that I was too crazy for him or maybe he doesn't want to talk to a girl so obssesed with boys or that has been in serious issues and might go back to them If he hurts me... Idk, or maybe he's just hanging with his friends, and he'll just talk to me another  day. I hope is the last one... Like, since I came here to spain and talked more to him, I'v never, NEVER, checked out on other guys on the street.. NEVER, which is weird for me. He's aaaall the time in my head, and it's really annoying... Even the word lol reminds me of him, I CAN'T.
Now I'm talking to a girl from my group (let's call her super curls) and she's being really nice to me, I love her. SHOUTOUT TO HER, AMAZING PERSON RIGHT THERE.
-Kisses, Emma.
P.S.: My doctor told me she sees me perfectly, so I guess they'll set me free soon, YEY. Depression defeated 89%
The song I'm obssesed with today

26th July

WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME?! Ireland's the problem... I didn't have wifi in my house, so I lost like 20 followers on twitter. Now I'm gonna explain you my awesome travel to Ireland. I made a lot of friends, from my group, irish people, american people, and even an australian boy (that boy was crazy af.) Sooo at first in my group I was only with three other girls, but I ended up with the whole group. The first days I was with an irish girl and her american cousin. The boy, let's call him was really nice and the next day, in dublin, every redhaired boy we saw was him, and a friend faked having a crush on him. They were really cool, but they had to return to america (I still talk to them, mostly the boy though.) Then I was on fire. I was super opened, like, I just walked to people and say, "sup" and they would answer. The autralian boy (crazy boy or sexy boy, whatever) was super nice. I walked to him and said "Do you understand spanish?" and he said no. So I said to him "You're really hot" in spanish, and he said "yeah, I'm pretty sexy". YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN MY FACE!!!!!!!!!!!!! It was hilarious. He's cute, yeah, but he's like younger than me, so that's totally a turn off. Just like the great grandson of my irish mother, he was really cute and stuff, but he'll be cuter with 19, still too young. I met a lot of people and I realized that It's easier for me to make friends talking in english, idk why. I had a great time and even though my monitor was a jerk and my group said I had to go to the disco with a stapler (guess where my monitor said I had to use it) I had sooooo much fun, and, If I don't get the grant for USA, I'll definetly go back.
-Kisses, Emma.
P.D.: Ireland is cool in summer, but my father has told me that in winter it's like hell

The song I'm obssesed with today (and basically the whole time I was in Ireland)

10th June

I'M HANDELING EXAMS IDK HOW. Anyway, I don't have much to say just... I had a 9.9 in chemistry yey. Tomorrow I have a literature test but ugh so rad. My pool opens this weekend yey so super duper cool. On monday it's my sister's graduation and prom and I'm gonna do her make up and her and she's gonna be sooooo cute. I ship her with her friend.
Today I dressed up as a whore, idk why, I felt like it. I was wearing a crop top and really short shorts. I could feel how people looked at me and I was like, chill. Today I saw my junior crush like, a lot of times, like twice, which is a lot to me. Normally I don't see him or I see him once. Wrong, I saw him three times. He's soooo damn cute, and what's funny, is that, despite being blonde, he has black hair on his legs (Is it weird or am I because I point out this?). He's so cute with his braces and his short hair, ugh, so cute.
DID YOU KNEW THAT MANS (idk how to put the º above the A) THE WINNER OF EUROVISION IS LIKE, TOTALLY HOMOPHOBIC? Why would you even go to eurovision If you were homophobic? It's the gayest show on european tv. I'm even doubting about Loïc's sexuality for going there. If you now a boy, and he like, loves eurovision, he's gay. I'm stating. HE'S GAY. He only won because he was hot, Loïc did better, duh.
I'd like to give a shout out to my new returning home mate, (I would have called her Dora, but that's cruel. Let's call her Latin bootie) I'm realising she's really cool, so she doesn't have to care about what other people are saying, duh.
Also, 14 for ireland, so excited, aren't you excited for me?
-Kisses, Emma
P.S.: I'll miss my language assistant, he should be my chambelán, (I'm spanish, not latin, but I wanna do a quinceañera because I want to wear a dress)
The song I'm obsessed with today

9th June

I'm sorry I haven't been written for like, ages, but, you know exams, once upon a time. That awkard moment when you think you're falling in love with peter pan... Anyway... I've argued with one of my friends´and now I don't even talk to her, but wtv. I'm so stressed with exams, like, you don't even know. (You'll probably know because now everyone has the same issues). I have a technology assigment and I don't know how I'm gonna do it. I just wish this week passes and summer really comes. Even though I'm going to Ireland when there's not summer... Anyway, I lost class today yey. Only english class but wtv. I went to the small building to meet with 8th graders (aka losers) and to explain what was global classrooms about. It is about debating with other candidates about any like, super formal topic (I got IMF) and act as If you were in the united nations. The prize was going to new york. We passed to the second round and then the school had to choose one out of ten. They chose Blanca, the girl that always wins in every contest. It hurt so bad I injured myself. At school. It was funny. I'm getting over an eating disorder and depression (tbh I feel so much better right now, happy) and that was my dark age. I was handeling food, but not sadness. I have some pretty big scars in my arms and legs, I'll have to live with them, and not be ashamed, because they represent that I survived to a depression, and that's what I'm proud of. I remembered by biology teacher running through the school with me by his side, screaming, kind of funny, but not fun. It hurt. I don't remember much, I was in the bathroom, I called the teacher and, when he came in I was there, like, "hey, I could use some help."
Anyway, I once made a promise about not crushing on any younger boy than me. I have broken that promise. Today. There was a 13 or 14 hottie like, super hot. He was just there, and I was like: "wait, you're 8th grader, that's impossible, you're better than the 9th graders. And some of his friends were cute too, soooo....
I missed the swimming pool, and the boys that kind of flirted with us, idk. One even wanted to make out with me. I said no. Duh. I would have said yes to his friend, he was so cute. Like, he wears glasses, he's pale and has like this adorable smile. Like, he doesn't have the perfect body, but I love it, because that's what makes him more adorable.
In conclusion I like a lot of boys.
-Kisses, Emma
P.S.: My language assistant read "I really wanna have sex with michael clifford" in my pencil case, and I feel so ashamed.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PIgyR4uSwYk

3rd June

Tomorrow I don't have school so I'm happy yey.
Today was my spanish and flute exams. I started they day forgetting my flute at home. Applause. So I had to go running back to my house and then to school. I arrived like one minute later, but I had drama, so the teacher didn't even bothered about it. Cool.
Nobody made fun of me, I just had fun and laughed a lot.
Now, I'm writing and listening to music yey. I'll have to do maths but wtv, let's just enjoy the moment. I mean, I have a lot of exams next week, but yolo. Some of my friends may hate me but yolo. I have some other good friends and a body that some boys that make fun of me wish they had in their beds. I'm starting loving myself, and it feels awesome. I'm fucking awesome. Idk why boys don't like me, like, I'm kinda pretty and sexy. I know I'm weird, but boys my age don't care about personalities. Whatever, I'll find a hottie that loves my crazyness. Truly, I've found him, but I think he's gay. I wish I knew a boy like my best friend's boyfriend, super kind,sweet, hot, GERMAN (that's important), and straight, I should say ex, but I'm pretty sure they're getting back together today. (I'm so excited for her.) My best friend is super hot too, but, I mean, I think boys my age don't like the extremes. For some boys I could be too tall or too skinny and my best friend could be too short or they could see her fat (she's not, I wish I was her.) I know, It's funny to see us together. I'm gonna stop now, and confess something. Can you believe that I thought I was a lesbian at the start of this school year? IDK. Like, my most searched in tumblr is hot guys, I love boys. But there was this girl, and I loved her. I didn't know If it was real or just a friend love. Just because we were very good friends, I enjoyed being with her and couldn't imagine a future with her by my side. I didn't even feel sexually attracted to her. Now I realized I can't stop searching for hotties wherever I go, and no girls. When I see a hot boy is like: "That guy's hot" but when I see a pretty girl (I'm sorry I can't even say a girl is hot) I'm like: "I'm sure she's a bitch".
-Kisses, Emma.
P.S.: Sorry for that unexpected ending lol, I didn't feel like writing more.
The song I'm obsessed with today

2nd June

So, this one is gonna be shorter, I have to practice fucking flute, like, why do I have to study music? I want to be either an actress or working in a laboratory (in the worst case scenario, in a classroom being a hot chemistry teacher okno.)
So, today nothing really happenned. I just studied a lot, laughed a lot in class and slayed at grades. 9 in music, 8.22 in english (should be more.)
Today I was walking outside in the break and some stupid ass sophomore kids that should be in 11th ir 12th grade just called me 'teacher'. Like, I didn't do anything, I just walked next to their group and I heard this. I was wearing a long green dress, nothing special, and a bun, like, is that a teacher's look? Because I don't think so... Anyway, at my school, boys and girls are stupid. There's this group of super normal girls that don't stop looking at me and my friends. Normal. My group of friends basically sums up in: The russian preppy girl, the short curvy purple haired, the curly haired that doesn't stop talking about boys, the kind of black super smart kid, the girl with mustache that somehow drives boys crazy and a super curly sometimes pink haired, tall, skinny, crazy and with a super "I'm not from this town" style, I think the russian and black girls are the more normal ones. I wear sometimes a gurnge look, or a punk rock one, or a beuty guru one or a look that shouts outloud "I'm a good girl, I'm daddy's favourite (I have a really big daddy kink, please, I'll be your little girl)." Yeah. I mean somedays I'm like: "I need no men I'm and independet woman." Other days like: "I'm the dom, lay down in the floor." And these last days I've been like: "Please, be my daddy, I can't live without a man." Well, I'm gonna leave now.
-Kisses, Emma
P.S.: I hate exams' season, please, summer, come to me.
The song I'm obsessed with today